Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
