my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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