so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just want nice things and good sex
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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