Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
