You just made me feel so damn special
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Randomize