Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
where are my eyebrows?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
