WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
