she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Randomize
