Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
