A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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