In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
This beer is not sobering me up at all
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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