I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
