fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
