It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
