how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
