There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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