I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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