Quick, to the slutcave!
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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