sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
