you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
