I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
