You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
