Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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