i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
