Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
