we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
