things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I enjoy the company of your penis
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
