we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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