hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize