I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
