porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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