Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
