I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
