Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You are a booty call, not a friend.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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