Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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