Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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