my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
