Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize