My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
