Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
