I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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