I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
