Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
