the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
