I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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