I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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