just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
