I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
