I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
