I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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