So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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