i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
