I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
