He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
