yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
