I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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