I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize