It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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