You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
