im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
