Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
