I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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