the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
