I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
