she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
