it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
