I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
