OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
