oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
the condom got lost in my hair
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
