I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
