Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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