Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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