its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
All I want is dick and wine.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
