Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
