you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
