As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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