oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Randomize
