who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
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