I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
