He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
