the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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