When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
this hospital has no fireball
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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